How'd it feel making her break her religion?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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