New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
