Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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