dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
