CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
