the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
