I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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