you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
