My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
