No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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