Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
