Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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