I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
