its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
