It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
