She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
