do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
