My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
