I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
