who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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