I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
