Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
