Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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