May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
