when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
