Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize