He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this just has baby written all over it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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