guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize