he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is wine microwaveable?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
