I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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