Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
