She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
