Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
