So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
