i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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