Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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