I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
