Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
