You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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