just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm both gender and math confused
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
