Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got inside last night via doggy door
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
