Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
