When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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