She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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