pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
