I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
