can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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