He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
