There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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