Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
