i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
