the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
