she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize