Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
