Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
