Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
