His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
