First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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