Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
