I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
