After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
