bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize