i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
