Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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