There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
