Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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