Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
