Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
