She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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