it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
