Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
