You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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