We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
