there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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