I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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