We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
