Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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