ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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