Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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