Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
