I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
