So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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