we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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