Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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