dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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