I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
