You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
