nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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