So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
