cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm just crazy horny about you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
