matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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