Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize