So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
