I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
