bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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