i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hippo gnu deer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Randomize
