dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
