made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
