i just had sex bonerless
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize