I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
