is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
