I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
