Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
