I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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