I'm drive I can fine osifer
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
