I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize