Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
