the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
