I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
