he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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