K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
