is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
