you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
